


500 ways to know you, ways to love you

by CrescentScar



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Drabble Collection, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, it's gonna be strangers to friends to lovers but apparently that's not a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22304605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrescentScar/pseuds/CrescentScar
Summary: “Oh, wow! Webs, the pictures donotdo justice! Your ass is a dream!”That is, essentially, how Peter Parker meets Wade Wilson.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Avaruuspiraatti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avaruuspiraatti/gifts).



That night the city seems deceptively quiet. He’s sitting perched on a ledge, high on one of the rooftops near the border of Queens and Manhattan. There’s no sirens, no cries for help, the police radio stays silent. This week’s villain hasn’t shown up yet.

Someone climbs the stairs of the fire escape on the other side of the apartment building, but he pays no mind. Maybe he should, but he’s not getting a sense of danger.

“Oh, wow! Webs, the pictures do _not_ do justice! Your ass is a dream!” 

That is, essentially, how Peter Parker meets Wade Wilson.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter turns around and lets himself fall on the roof from the ledge. He levels Deadpool with an unimpressed look which he hopes comes across even through his mask.

“Deadpool,” he greets with a flat tone.

“Oh my gosh, this is _un -be-lievable_!” the man moans. “Are you sure I’m not hallucinating? It’s like you’re a custom made mail-order Spidey!” He pinches himself on the arm, hard. And then yelps.

“Does pinching help with hallucinations?” Peter questions. He crosses his arms over his chest, squints his eyes dubiously. 

“I don’t know! Want to try?” Deadpool offers his arm.

“I’m starting to.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Tony warned me about you.”

Deadpool laughs, a little hysterically. “You’re on a first name basis with Tin Can? Somehow I thought you’d be all _Mr. Stark_.”

Peter bristles. Deadpool starts humming under his breath something like _Tin Man, Tin Man, does whatever tin can._ “Doesn’t matter what I call him.”

“Mm-hmm. What’d he say ‘bout little ol’ me?”

“That you’re dangerous and demented. That I should stay away from you.” Peter steps forward just to be contrary.

“Oh ho ho,” Wade laughs theatrically, holding his stomach. “I love it! Both true!”

“And something about you being ‘annoyingly unkillable’.”


	4. Chapter 4

“‘Annoyingly unkillable’”, Deadpool repeats. “Ouch. Kind of harsh, don’t you think? It’s the truth! But harsh, right?” He shakes his head, sighs miserably. “Truth hurts.”

Peter just shrugs. They’re in a standstill for a moment. Then Peter points behind him with his thumb saying “So, I guess… if it’s true I should stay aw—”

“No! Nonono, you misunderstand, my little Spider,” Deadpool hurries to interrupt. “I am dangerous and demented, yes. But you definitely should NOT stay away. In fact, you should get _real close_.” 

His disturbingly expressive mask leaves no questions whether or not Deadpool wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.


	5. Chapter 5

Peter fights not to cringe visibly. “Right. You’re not making a great case for yourself, buddy. You do realise dangerous and demented are not the most desirable traits in a dream bachelor?”

“I don’t know, I hear that chicks dig bad boys,” Deadpool says with a honeyed tone, lecherous grin stretching the mask across his face. It’s ridiculous. Peter can’t help the startled giggle that escapes his mouth. He shakes his head incredulously.

“Not a chick, though,” Peter answers, sets one hand on his hip and gestures his body with the other.

Deadpool groans. “Yeah. Yeah, I can see that.”


	6. Chapter 6

Two police cars drive under them painting the buildings with blue and red. Saved by the siren, it seems. Peter turns to look after them. 

Deadpool seems to continue talking to himself as Peter turns the police radio on.

“10-80 on, uh, 36th heading east.” A car chase. Should be interesting. He’s much faster than cars when he's swinging and the drivers never expect to get yanked out.

“See you around, Deadpool,” Peter calls over his shoulder before leaping off the roof. He shoots a web to the next building and curses himself. _Goddamn it. Why did I say that._


	7. Chapter 7

[Wow. He could not get away from you fast enough.]

“Shut up, White. He said _see you around_ , didn’t he?”

(Sounds like Spidey wants to hang out with us!) 

“Of course he does! We’re delightful!”

[God. I can’t with you two.]

“Don’t be such a sourpuss, White. Don’t you like Webs, too!”

[I find him… too good. Morally, and for us.]

White does have a point. Spider-Man is notoriously goody two shoes. 

And he is too good for them. With his smart quips and spectacular moves and bouncy little butt.

( _Perfect_ bouncy little butt) Yellow sighs.

“Can’t argue with that.”


	8. Chapter 8

He jumps down from the roof, because he deems healing a couple broken bones - mainly kneecaps - is faster than climbing down the fire escape. 

[You are an absolute idiot.] White’s voice perfectly indicates an eyeroll. 

Wade groans, shaking his legs even though it doesn’t help them to heal. “It was faster,” he argues when he’s good enough to walk.

(And more fun!) chimes Yellow.

“Should we follow Spidey?”

(Yes! We could be his sidekick!)

White lets out a long-suffering sigh. [No. And he’s too fast for us, anyway. We have to find that Jackson guy. That’s why we’re out today.]


	9. Chapter 9

“Right. That limpdick.”

Weasel gave him an assignment — someone wanted a mob boss dead and was willing to pay half a mil. Only that this mob boss, someone called Dittaino, is elusive as hell. The only lead Wade has is some kid named Jackson, who’s been quickly rising through the ranks, or that’s the word on the street. 

He regretfully leaves Spider-Man behind and heads to Brooklyn. He stakes out Jackson’s apartment until he comes back in the morning. Driving an Aston Martin and decked in diamonds. Seems like the intel was legit. 

Wade slips in as Jackson falls asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Jackson doesn’t get to sleep long. Deadpool makes a quick tour through his apartment, looking for anything that could lead him towards Dittaino. 

Then he lifts Jackson up from his mattress which rouses the boy from sleep. He gets out a short cry before he’s silenced.

Deadpool ties Jackson to his kitchen chair, then sits in another chair leaning forwards over the back rest.

[Such a cliche] White scolds.

Yellow finds it hilarious. (I love it!)

“So. Jackson.”

He swallows roughly. “Who are you? What do you want?”

“You don’t know me?” Wade asks as Yellow yells scandalised (He doesn’t know us!)


	11. Chapter 11

The boy’s lower lip starts to tremble. “No? Please, I don’t know you!”

“Wow. He really is a wuss.”

[Pathetically so] White agrees. Yellow’s cackle borderlines manic.

“Name’s Deadpool. But you get to call me DP, if you’re a real good boy.”

“Oh god,” Jackson whimpers.

“That’s not a rape joke,” Wade rolls his eyes. “I don’t do rape jokes.” 

[You did once. In 2016.]

“Okay, fine, but that was bad writing. I don’t _normally_ do rape jokes. What I mean is, my friends call me DP —”

[You don’t have any friends.]

(No one calls you DP.)

“Shut up,” Wade hisses.


	12. Chapter 12

Deadpool looks back to Jackson.

“ _And_ if you tell me where your employer is, we’re best friends. Anyway, Jax — can I call you Jax?”

Jackson nods, swallowing back tears.

“Great. So Jax. You tell me where your employer is and this doesn’t have to get ugly.”

“My employer?”

Wade pulls Bea out with a _**shick**_ and rests the flat of the blade on Jackson’s shoulder.

“I — I don’t know Don Dittaino, _I swear_ I don’t know him!” Jackson’s bawling at this point. 

“Fuck,” Wade spits out. “Goddamn it!”

“I do know someone that knows him!” Jackson promises.


	13. Chapter 13

“Go on,” Deadpool says, warning in his voice. This better be good.

“I know his grandson, Luca! You can find him in Sparkle!”

“Sparkle? Let Your Soul Sparkle? Which, stupid name. But that’s a —”

“Gay bar,” Jackson says nodding. “If Don Dittaino knew, Luca would get disowned, but no one dares to tell him.”

“Hmm. Could be useful.” Deadpool shoves Bea back to her sheath and gets up.

He stands tall over Jackson with hands on his hips. “Tell me more about this Luca character.”

Jackson takes one glance to the pistols near Wade’s hands and sings like a nightingale.


	14. Chapter 14

Wade gets to Luca Dittaino on a misty Tuesday night. It seems like it might start raining, the air is damp and cold. He’s been staking out Sparkle since his meeting with Jackson, but Luca always has friends — or bodyguards — with him. Now he’s smoking his cigarette, alone in the alley behind the bar. It feels almost like it's scripted.

Deadpool hurries to him and wrenches him further away from the bar’s backdoor, then throws him against an errant dumpster.

“Ow! What the fuck do you want, psycho?”

“Heard you’re the heretical heir to Dittaino’s crime syndicate,” Deadpool tells lowly.


	15. Chapter 15

The kid spits across his face. Wade grunts, wipes at his mask with his hand and says, “That’s the exact reason I’m wearing this mask.”

[Yeah… I don’t think that’s it.]

(I thought you’re wearing it because you’re indistinguishable from a third degree burn victim) Yellow says in a pondering tone.

“Shut it.”

“I didn’t even say anything!” Luca exclaims and struggles in Deadpool’s hold. Wade pushes him roughly against the dumpster.

“I’m going to ask you this once,” Deadpool says and pulls out one of his dear Desert Eagles, presses its barrel firmly against the boy’s temple. Luca screams.


	16. Chapter 16

Next time Peter meets Deadpool it’s because someone’s calling for help. It happens to be someone Deadpool is holding against a dumpster behind a lower Manhattan bar.

“So, baby Dittaino, where’s your granddaddy?” he hears Deadpool growl as he lands near them.

Peter takes one glimpse at the pistol in Wade’s hand and yells “Deadpool!”

The fact that Peter has learned to listen to his instincts and act within a fraction of a second is what saves his life. He jumps on his hands right before the bullet hits. Peter stares Deadpool disbelieving as he gets back to his feet.


	17. Chapter 17

“Oh, _fuck_! I’m sorry, Webs! _Totally_ my fault. Mad acrobatics, though!” 

The guy in Deadpool’s grip stares at them both silently. At least Wade’s not pointing the gun at him anymore. Or Peter, for that matter. “Seriously, so sorry. This is so unlike me. You startled me and I reacted—”

Peter passes over Deadpool’s apologies. “What are you doing! You can’t just go around and kill people!”

Deadpool stares at him for a while. Somehow he seems offended.“I’m not going to kill him! I’m just threatening him!”

Peter’s seething. “Well, you can’t just go around and threaten people either!”


	18. Chapter 18

“You’re not gonna kill me?” the guy asks.

“What! I don’t kill people for no reason. You have a reason to be killed?”

“Not really. Some people want me dead since I’m a Dittaino, though. But if you’re not gonna kill me, can you let me go?”

“Sorry, but no. You still need to tell me where your granddaddy’s at. He’s the one with the kill order.”

Peter’s stunned to silence as the guy rolls his eyes and huffs. “You should’ve said it. You kill him, I’ll inherit everything.”

“Someone else might tell Weasel to send me after you, then.”


	19. Chapter 19

Peter really doesn’t know what’s going on as this Dittaino guy shrugs as much as he can and starts telling all about his grandfather’s safety measures and inner circle.

“That all?” Deadpool asks after a while. Dittaino nods and Wade lets him go. The guy rights his coat on his shoulders, tells Deadpool he might send him a thank you note after the fact and goes back in.

“What just happened.”

“Kid really wants his granddad dead. He’s not the only one.”

“And you’re going to kill him?”

“Hm,” Deadpool agrees.

“What did I just say about killing?” Peter sighs.


	20. Chapter 20

Deadpool swirls his pistol around his fingers before sliding it back to the holster. He laughs a little. “Technically, it’s not going around and killing people. I’m going to infiltrate the penthouse and kill one person. A bad person, I might add.” He could be charming — if they weren’t talking about the morality of murder.

“It’s not the question of whether or not the person is bad!” Peter cries out as he comes closer to Deadpool.

“You think that child murderers and human traffickers deserve to live?” Deadpool asks, crossing his arms across his chest. His voice is strained, defensive.


	21. Chapter 21

Peter stares at Deadpool, exasperated. “Yes! They should go through the justice system!”

“God. You’re right, White,” Deadpool huffs.

“You’re so naive,” he says more loudly, “You really think we should trust the justice system? It’s a joke!”

“I admit, there’s a lot of things that should be changed, but killing people isn’t the answer!”

“What I do is right,” Wade argues. “I deal with those the law can’t touch.”

“And thinking that isn’t naive?” Peter asks with a defeated voice.

Deadpool shakes his head, turns on his heel and walks away. Peter wants to call after him but doesn’t.


	22. Chapter 22

“Deadpool is going to kill someone,” Peter announces as he swings into the Avengers Tower’s communal living room. 

“Hey, Pete,” Clint answers, “Wanna join our Mario Kart tournament. Sam’s in and Scott’s coming in a bit. We can play Birds against Bugs!”

Peter pulls off his mask and starts pawing at his messy curls.

“Spiders are not —“ Peter starts to argue but shakes his head. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“Did you say _Deadpool_?” is Tony’s greeting as he comes to view.

“Yes! That is why I’m here!”

“DEADPOOL?” Steve yells from the kitchen.

“Yes! He’s going to kill someone!”


	23. Chapter 23

There’s a silence. The only audible sound comes from Steve moving some pot from the stove and turning the stove off. Then he walks to the living room and joins Sam, Clint and Tony — they are all staring at Peter and for a second he’s not so sure this was a good idea. 

“Deadpool’s killing someone?” Clint asks, sounding dubious.

“Okay, but that’s not news, though,” Sam argues.

Peter opens his mouth to answer him but Tony cuts him off before he gets half a word out. “How do you know this?”

“Who is he going to kill?” Steve adds.


	24. Chapter 24

Peter disregards Tony’s question and turns to Steve. Somehow it’s easier to address _Captain America_ instead of the man who’s been his mentor for years. “He’s going to kill Andrea Dittaino. He’s a mob boss, lives on the 6th Avenue. I just don’t know when.”

“How do you know this?” Tony demands. 

“I caught him when he was interrogating someone, okay?”

“And you didn’t think to detain him?” Clint asks, not unpleasantly. Tony glares at him, Clint shrugs. 

“Steve, call Fury,” Tony orders and Steve nods before taking out his phone.

“No! Wait!” Peter exclaims before he can stop himself.


	25. Chapter 25

“Why?” Steve asks, finger hovering over the dial button. 

“We don’t need SHIELD. I can handle this.”

“No, you can’t,” Tony says.

“Tony, we’ve been over this,” Peter reminds him. He’s stern now, but not above begging if need be. “I just need to know when Deadpool’s going to do it. I need you to surveil him and tell me when he gets there.”

“Peter.” Tony’s voice sounds strained. 

“Please, okay? I’ll call backup if needed, I promise.” He hasn’t been great at it in the past, but he’s getting better. “I caught this, I need to see this through.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're at 5% now, and much like Peter, I need to see this through. I promise we'll get to hundred (8


	26. Chapter 26

Steve and Tony stare at each other for a long while. Then Steve puts his phone down and Tony lets out a deep sigh. 

“JARVIS,” Tony says. Peter’s heart beats viciously against his sternum.

“Sir,” JARVIS answers immediately.

“Notify Mr. Parker if Wilson goes anywhere near 6th Avenue.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Thank you, Tony,” Peter says, but Tony just shakes his head and leaves. Steve shoots a glance at Peter before following Tony. 

“Are you staying for the Mario Kart tournament?” Clint asks with a smile. 

Peter doesn’t feel like returning it. “Uh, no. Thanks but… I need to go.”


	27. Chapter 27

“I just don’t understand why he has to be so _fucking_ …” Wade grunts and releases the magazine. “I don’t know, so fucking good!”

“Hmm,” Weasel answers. He pours a beer for Boothe, while Wade continues disassembling his gun and complaining. 

[But it’s not just that. He doesn’t understand that we have 500 K riding on this fool. No way we’re _not_ killing Dittaino.]

(Yeah.) Yellow laughs. (I bet he doesn’t even understand the value of money. Daddy Stark must pay for everything.)

“Yeah, that too,” Wade agrees.

“Hmm?” Weasel asks, somewhat disinterested. 

“Morality is overrated, but money is not.”

“Sure.”


	28. Chapter 28

“So, what are you going to do about the spider problem?”

Wade shrugs. “Nothing? Didn’t know there was a problem.”

“Yet, you complain,” Weasel says under his breath. “What I mean is that Spider-Man knows everything you know.”

“I guess. But he doesn’t know when I’m planning on striking.”

Weasel sighs. “If you’re sure.”

Wade starts with the other pistol. Takes out the magazine, opens the slide and blows into the chamber.

“Can you STOP THAT!”

Wade looks up confusedly. 

“You fiddle with your guns when you’re stressed and it always makes me stressed,” Weasel explains with a strained voice.


	29. Chapter 29

“Huh.” Wade reassembles the Desert Eagle within five seconds. Then he reaches over the bar and pulls out a random bottle. 

“That’s _Gran Patrón Piedra_ , you will NOT —“

“Relax, Weas. You know I’m good for it.” Wade pulls out the cap, takes a generous swig and grimaces.

“You don’t even like tequila!”

“Wow, this is bad. Why do you even have it?” 

“Rachel likes it,” Weasel mutters.

“I’m pitying you right now,” Wade informs him. “You can’t see it because of the mask, but I am looking at you _pitying._ ”

“You can’t even get drunk.” Weasel sounds desperate and tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I know nothing about alcoholic beverages


	30. Chapter 30

Peter browses through his social media for the three minutes he has while microwaving instant ramen. His New York skyline instagram is gaining traction, which is nice since they’re his favourite shots taken while patrolling and he wants to share them with the world. 

There’s another twitter war about Spider-Man and his relationship with the Avengers, which… nothing new there. 

Ned has linked him a BuzzFeed article featuring the best pictures of Spider-Man. One of them makes Peter cringe especially — it’s taken from the street level and behind him while he’s swinging between the buildings. It awkwardly highlights his ass.


	31. Chapter 31

Somehow the ramen turns out overcooked but still cold, even though Peter manages to get burns by splashing the water on his hands and his 200 dollar Modern Biochemistry textbook. 

It tells something about him that he’s more concerned about the book than his hands, but he really doesn’t want to look too much into it.

Peter frantically dabs most of the water with too many paper towels, all stolen from campus cafes and breakfast diners. At least the ink didn’t smudge, even though he’s sure some of the pages will end up wavy but he can deal with that.


	32. Chapter 32

It’s 20 minutes past midnight when Peter’s finally done with his advanced biology essay. The bathroom mirror shows his hair as a mess from him running his fingers through it over and over again. Well, it’s not like it matters with the mask. Peter splashes some cold water on his face before getting into his suit and leaving for patrol, even though he’d much rather fall into bed.

After leaving three muggers hanging from light posts and stopping one poor attempt of a jewellery store heist, Peter crawls home feeling battered. 

He really hopes the next few days are uneventful.


	33. Chapter 33

“Do you have the jammer? Extra magazines?” Weasel’s laying on the backroom couch, throwing a pink tennis ball up again, again and again as Wade packs his duffel.

“Gosh, obviously. Thanks, _mom_.”

“What kind of woman was your mother?” Weasel asks, kind of amused.

Wade squints at him. “Do you really, really want to know?”

“Not really, no.”

Wade decides to throw in a couple of grenades, too — just in case, you know how these things are. He pulls on his mask, throws the bag over his shoulder and turns to Weasel. “You wanna set a curfew for me?”

“Asshole.”


End file.
